Hurt

I read a friend’s blog today and she had one sentence that literally jumped out and figuratively slapped me across the room.

Hurting people hurt people.

So simple… yet says so much! How true is this statement???

Just reading this sentence boggles my mind. I think about the initial hurt, the hurt that is inflicted on someone else because of that initial hurt… and the snowball effect it has on an infinite number of people. How one hurts ripple can affect so many and what it takes to break that cycle.

 

Be mindful of your words. And sometimes it isn’t what you say but how you say it- so be mindful of your tone as well. What may not seem hurtful to you may be received as hurtful by someone else… and the ripple begins.   

It doesn’t cost anything to be kind.

Mental Draino

You know, ….  I don’t know.

A friend of mine has been battling anxiety, depression and a whole plethora of other things that she finally found out , almost by accident, was due to an over active thyroid.

I wish it was that simple for me. My mind is very heavy these days. Not exactly sure why. It’s almost as if there is so much in there that it feels like a clogged drain. No flow out, just stopped up. I need some draino.

What exactly is the psychological form of draino? I always thought if I could journal everything I would feel better but it appears that I have started something I can’t keep up with. Things are coming at me in my mind at such a rapid fire speed I feel the only thing I can do to keep me from going completely nutso is shut it down.

What will that accomplish? Shutting the flow of thought down so that it clogs up my mind and boggles down my entire mental state. My head feels like the hoover dam. Holding back all that water and only allowing a trickle here and there to keep the power behind the dam in check so it doesn’t blow.

Finding the balance. My friend calls it “grace” that finds you and pulls you through the dark spots into the light so you can see and feel the joy around you. I think my “grace” comes to me in the morning. When I am the first one to get up and start waking everyone else up. My joy is in the faces of my children when they are just waking up and they have that faintest hint of a smile on their face. After they are headed down the driveway I get about 15 minutes to sit with a little something to eat and a cup of coffee before I have to get myself together. That is my happy time - in the morning, I have a similar time in the evening when we are all winding the day down. Putting the 6 year old to bed and reading books, getting the 14 year old showered and hanging out with her and the hubby in the living room before calling it a night.

I am the first one up… and the last one to bed. Every day. It is the beginning and the end of those days that I find that clarity and joy. Everything in between is a mess. That is what I need the help with … the mess in between.

I am going to see a professional that also specializes in hypnotism. Hoping she can clear the fogginess for me or at least show me how to clear it myself.  She will be my mental draino. She may teach me how to meditate or some other technique to help keep the clogged drains at bay. I don’t know what she is going to do but I am ready. 

I have come to the realization that there are times in life that outside help may be necessary to help get clarity and feel whole again. I think I need to just talk about things that I have never even spoken of out loud. Someone who doesn’t know me - just to listen to me completely DUMP out everything that is clogging my mind! I know part of this is probably brought on my hormone changes and other life/body changes that are inevitable for any woman. So, putting my big girl panties on… off I go!

The Thriller/ Mystery Beach Reads List

 OK – I did a list of chick lit for the summer. I can only take so much of that. I have to break it up with an occasional thriller. So here is my list of mystery/thrillers for the summer. I plan on reading more of these J They make great beach reads too! If you are looking for a nail biter this list is a good place to start!.

1 –       Blood Infernal – James Rollins

            This is the third (and I think final) installment of the Order of the Sanguines

            Series. I love this series.. little bit DaVinci Code, little bit of adventure.

2-        The Presidents Shadow – Brad Meltzer

            I love this guy! His books are wonderful. This is the third in the Culpeper Ring

            Series. They don’t have to be read in order – which is good because I haven’t read

            the second one.

3 -       Bone Labyrinth – James Rollins

            Another from one of my favorite authors… this is the latest installment of his

            Sigma Force series. Ahhh… Painter Crowe…

4 -       Crimson Shore – Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

            I know this damn book doesn’t come out until November but I can’t hardly wait.

            This is the latest in the Agent Pendergast series. These books suck me in and I

            Can imagine myself tagging along with him!

(This is my next career... mobile beach reads)

5 -        The Girl on the Train – Paula Hawkins

            I actually just finished this one. This is a stand alone book with many twists and turns. Took               me about 100 pages to get my mind around the jumping back and forth present day to past.                 Once I got used to it the book was really good.

6-        The Girl in the Spiders Web - David Lagercrantz (Stieg Larsson)

            4^th installment in the Lisbeth Salander and Mikael Blomkvist series. While the

            Original author of the series has passed away I am eager to read the continuation

            Of their story.

7 -        Pretty Girls –Karin Slaughter

            This is not a series book. I love her two series (Grant County and Will Trent) and        

            Wish she would write another but I am eager to get this one in my hands. It

            Comes out September 29^th but is worth mentioning because I just love her        

            Books!

8 -       The Forgotten Room – Lincoln Child

            Reading this one now. Because I love their collaborations, I also love their solo

            Books! Lincoln Child – of the Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child (Agent Pendergast)                     books, is a fantastic thriller writer… I always read his solo books!

9 -       The Great Zoo of China – Matthew Reilly

            In the tradition of Jurassic Park, this book will be non stop action as all Reilly’s books are! I               do wish he would write another Jack West because I literally could not put them down!

10 -     The Patriot Threat – Steve Berry

            Another Cotton Malone series book… I do love these thrill rides mixed with

            Historical mystery!

Things I have Realized So Far This Summer

 1-      I am generally NOT a holiday person. My mother was not a holiday person. Her mother, my granny, was not a holiday person but she was a PARTY PLANNER extraordinaire. The difference you ask??? A holiday person plans holiday events for family, my grandmother planned big events, holiday or not, for people OTHER than family. If her country club wanted to throw a party for no apparent reason – she was first in line. Now if the entire family was gathering she was all over it... itineraries and activities for everyone. I am trying but I think it is the planning for a holiday that is so damn exhausting and makes me dread it!

 2-     Even if I wasn’t 46+ years old, I know I don’t have it in me to have another baby. My husband would love one, but he forgets how old his wife is… AND how old he is!! I just don’t have the energy it takes to get from age 0 to 4 when they start preschool. My sister was at the beach with her one year old and I was exhausted watching her! He is a sweet bugger though.

 3-     I am not a cook. I can’t walk into a kitchen like it is an episode of Chopped and throw something together out of what I find. If I did, I promise you, you wouldn’t eat it.

 4-     Apparently I am the keeper of EVERYTHING. When something is not directly in front of my three people (husband & 2 kids) they automatically assume I know where it is. The constant barrage of “where is this… where is that” is like nothing I have ever known. I can’t keep up with my own stuff for keeping up with all their stuff. Of course if I can’t find the damn thing it is because I moved it and can’t remember where I put it cause I am old.

 5-     Gay marriage and the Confederate Flag. Well, I am a firm believer in the separation of church and state. I am also a firm believer in rights for everyone. If the government wants to recognize gay marriage and make it a law, fine. All I have heard is people complaining about the religious implications. When your church starts to marry same sex couples then you have a platform for religion. I will not, repeat – will not, look at or treat someone differently because they are gay, trans this or trans that. We are all children of God and it is not my place to beat them with a bible or discriminate against them. OK , now for the confederate flag… I agree that it has been used as a symbol for hate by the KKK and other racist organizations. I also agree that it is a symbol of pride for southerners with deep family roots that go back centuries. For some it sings of a time gone by “gone with the wind” so to speak. For others it is a beacon of oppression and racism, I can see that too. I don’t mind taking that flag down from government buildings and monuments. I don’t agree with erasing the past, for it is why we are where we are today. Keep the flag on the General Lee and don’t cancel reruns of the show… what did Bo and Luke Duke ever do to anyone?  (that was a touch too much) We didn’t erase the Nazi flag.. you can buy that all day long on Amazon.com… but you can’t buy the confederate flag.

 6-     Furthermore, I know black lives matter. But I want someone to take it a step further and say ALL lives matter. Black, white, latino, Asian… all lives matter. We are all on this big blue marble together and equal in the eyes of our creator. Non specific… ALL LIVES MATTER.  

 7-     On a lighter note, I am a BIG SUV kinda gal. I had an Expedition for about 8 years. Loved it. But then it all of a sudden turned into a lemon so I traded it on a Ford Escape- that could fit in the back of that expedition. Well, that was too small… so I went middle of the road… and for the last 3 years I have had an Ford Explorer. We took that explorer on a 5 hour ride to West Virginia last summer and decided it was too small. So, off and on for the last year we have been looking for another large SUV. It took 9 months for me to pry my Ford loving husband away from an expedition and we bought a suburban last week. OMG that thing is gigantic! AND I LOVE IT. I can’t/won’t afford a brand new one so I had to get one that was a year old… but it has all the bells and whistles… and it is FABULOUS. My husband will get over the Chevrolet part.

 8-     I can still get a tan. It just takes FOREVER. But I have also noticed that my legs… from my knee to my ankle aren’t tanning like the rest of my body. That part of my body is going to need a Tan Towel or something. I think it is because that is where I shave my legs and I must be shaving the tan layer off. I use the same sunscreen everywhere and shaving is the only thing I do to that area. Has to be the reason. SO… no more shaving ! LOL … nah… I’ll get some self tanner because I have to match.

 9-     My house is usually a wreck…but so is every one else’s house! How refreshing to know that even though it is in a great neighborhood and the yard is manicured – there is one part or more than one part of that house that is a complete wreck. WOO HOO!!! I don’t feel so bad anymore. We are all in the same boat… too much to do and no time!

10-  I have not changed a lot in 6 years. Thanks to Facebook’s feature that shows me what I was doing on any particular day over the last 6 years, I see that my opinions haven’t changed, my pictures are just updated versions of what I have posted before and I haven’t really been anywhere other than New Orleans, Saints Training Camp in West Virginia or the beach. Nothing new and exciting… just rolling along. Except this year I am rolling with a tan!