Bad Words in the Grocery Store

I was at the grocery store the other day. Really… yes I was at a grocery store.

Anyway, two high school age boys were goofing around on the potato chip aisle and having a large time. AAAHHH… to be young without a care!

Behind them slowly making her way down the same aisle was a woman about my age with a cart LOADED with just about everything you could imagine and these boys were putting more in it. (note… this was a white woman with two white boys). She was your quintessential southern mom. Hair was perfect, slacks, silk blouse, expensive bag, pearls and made up to perfection.

They were cutting up and carrying on when one of the boys referred to his friend as

 “my N’**ga.”  This stopped me and got my attention. I wanted to see if this mother said or did anything in response to hearing such crap come out of their mouth. What happened next was surprising.

She immediately stopped her shopping and said “excuse me?... what did you say??”

Still jovial and cutting up the boy said it again. I was close enough to hear what she said but far enough away that the boys didn't think I could hear. She called them over to her and asked him if he owned any slaves. He said no. She asked him where he has heard that word used and why he thought it was ok to use it. He said kids in school use it in the context as if saying “my friend” and that it was cool.

She proceeded to tell them that there was nothing cool about that word… and when used in conjunction with the word “my” made is sound like he was a slave owner, which he wasn't because the last she checked slavery had been abolished for almost 150 years. She then told him that he and his friend could take that cart they had loaded down with snacks and junk and put everything back on the shelves where they found it and they were leaving. She called the store manager over and told him they were to put everything back and to make sure they did it right and she would be waiting in the car.

And as she picked up her purse she looked at the two boys and said if she ever heard that filth come out of either of their mouths again they weren't too big to take a strap to and it wouldn't be her doing the whopping…she was telling DAD.

As she clicked past me in her expensive shoes, leaving the two stunned teenagers behind her, I held up my hand and high fived her… said nothing… just the “you go girl” salute to a mom that wasn't going to tolerate such crap no matter how “cool” it was.

I was proud of her. She addressed it immediately and didn't let it slide because they were teenage boys and they were in a public place.  

Things I Cried over ( or almost cried over) October 2014

1-      Molar extraction – just couldn’t save that damn thing so out it goes. Not that I would have spent $2500 to save it anyway. However, the subsequent days of pain and misery were helped somewhat by Vicodin, and an OD of Advil. Of course the requisite antibiotic was given to prevent infection… which only caused another issue. Come on girls… antibiotics… sad sad times. I have to say between the antibiotic side effects and the actual misery from the tooth I was cranky and crabby for at least 8 days. I will not do that again.

2-      This month was my 46^th birthday. I will say that my wonderful husband loves to do a party for my birthday and I think half the reason is because it is in October. 46 was a hard birthday to accept. Mainly because my mother wasn’t here to forget it, which she did most of the time. It has been 6 months now. I wear her rings every day and honestly I look forward to the day that I can think of her and not cry.

3-     I have zero energy. It is just that time of year for me that is physically draining. It is the change of seasons and the toll it takes on my sinuses, the time change which will take me at least a week to adjust to and the fact that I turned on the heat. Those of you that have LP gas know why turning it on makes me cry. It makes my wallet cry, it makes my bank account cry because staying warm costs so much more than staying cool.

4-     I haven’t had a decent thing to read since mid summer. Hence my tears of joy on October 28^th when Anne Rice released Prince Lestat. Thank GOD!

5-     My baby has actually started READING. A month in kindergarten and he is reading. I was helping with some of his homework the other night and he was reading right through a book with little to no help. That was a happy cry… because one day he and I are going to go to Barnes and Noble and spend a lot of his daddy’s money.

6-     Another happy few glistening moments was when I was on the way home from Washington DC with a bus of WWII veterans last week. We stopped at the state line to pick up our escort… 100+ patriot riders brought us home from the NC/VA state line. These old guys, as well as myself couldn’t believe the number of people that turned out for them. These guys came home from saving the world and went straight to work building a great country. They deserved this.

7-     Holidays are coming… I dread them… would like to skip over all of them and go ahead with a new year. My mother was not a big gift giving  person but she did love to have good food and family over or come to my house and bring her gravy that only she could make. Food was her big thing … presents were not a big thing but we have Larry to take care of the presents… thank god! It will be odd and I will feel like there is a gaping hole where she should be, but just another day to get through… and we keep moving forward.

I Read a Blog Today....

I read a blog today… the Matt Walsh Blog. He was talking about “dying with dignity” and the well publicized decision of a young woman that has chosen this path after her terminal brain cancer diagnosis.

In one way he had a point. What is dignified about suicide? And choosing to die with dignity because of a cancer diagnosis... what does that say about the millions with terminal illnesses that fought until their last breath to live… did they not die with dignity? I feel like the publicity over this woman and her decision is all wrong. I don’t deny her the right to choose the path she has chosen. I do however, resent the fact that it is being glorified by the media. That should be something between her and her family.

Now she has chosen her “death date” of November 1^st. She chose that date because her husband’s birthday is October 30^th. She has chosen to take her euthanasia pills with her family present, music she likes, in her bedroom she shares with her husband, in their bed. I hope the pills they have given her are potent. I have watched people die and even if the mind is gone the body will instinctively fight to live. If the heart and lungs are strong they will keep beating and breathing until they just wear out. Unless it is instant I don’t see anything dignified in the dying process.

Don’t get me wrong, I admire this woman’s courage and her decision to avoid the worst scenarios for her family as she slowly succumbs to her terminal illness and at some point becomes a full time painful and emotionally draining care giving job for her family, all the while they are witnessing her slow and painful death. Because it is her mind that will be affected, she could end up unknowingly hurting the people she loves the most. I understand the worst case scenarios and I understand the difficult decision she has made.

Because this has been covered so extensively by the media, this “dying with dignity” is permeating all levels of society- including the most influential and emotional – teenagers. My 13 year old has asked me about it and I have told her exactly what I have written here. This decision is not an easy one and not to be taken lightly. She actually asked me if it was suicide. And I was honest when I said – technically yes… it is. Her immediate reply was exactly what I expected her to say “does that mean she can’t be forgiven and she will go to hell?”

I was stumped… all I could say was “Honey, that is between her and her God and it is not my place to judge her decision because of her extenuating circumstances” What else could I say?

Winds of Change

Do you ever feel like you are teetering on the precipice of a big change in your life? You know something is out there waiting for you but you either aren't ready yet or it isn't ready for you. But it is hanging out there … waiting for the right time to present itself.

I have had this same feeling in the past – a preamble to a change of life’s gears. As we shift and keep moving forward we adjust our speed for the ups, downs and hairpin curves that are on this road we all travel. Sometimes we run off the road but if we have enough experience we know how to avoid the problems of over correction and manage to ease back with care and continue. There are potholes, speed bumps and rumble strips along the way and all the while we are chugging along we adapt to these changes knowing the road ahead will be better, we just have to get through the rough spots.

The best feeling is when you are cruising on a freshly paved stretch of road, feels kind of like flying.

Change is usually like a fork in the road. You have to choose to accept the change or not.

That is the blessing of free will. We all have a choice. For me, I have to take so many factors into consideration when faced with a change. Husband, children, schedules, financial obligations and ultimately will this change be a positive change for all of us, because it will affect all of us. Sometimes I have to choose to stay the course because the change would be too much for everyone, so I stay in my comfortable nook and wait for another one to come along.

Some big changes went down in my life this year and 2015 is looking better to me every day. Obstacles and hurdles have been conquered and the scars are fading from the battles fought. I have a birthday very soon and although it isn’t a milestone birthday it is a starting point for me. I have set some goals for myself in 2015, small and large.

Don’t worry, I will take everyone along on the ride, cause its going to be a good one.

It is time.

October is Looking Better than September

With the exception of the usual interaction with stupidity I have to endure on a daily basis, if October 1^st is any indication of what I can expect, things are looking better than the entire month of September combined.

First of all, I did the little happy dance this morning because I was able to get my wedding rings back on my water retaining fat fingers. They are on… and my finger isn’t red like it is going to fall off from cutting off the circulation. Happy Happy Happy. That is supposed to be my thin hand too.  I have moved my mother’s rings that I had been wearing because they were slightly bigger over to what should be my fat hand.

Next, the boy went to kindergarten this morning in blue jeans. I did give him a t-shirt so he didn’t overheat since it is supposed to be 80 today. He was happy, so everyone was happy. No rules broken this morning. (Rule #1 is always… don’t piss off the baby).

Arrived at work 5 minutes early. Not so much a miracle as it used to be before I started  kindergarten carpool at 745AM. But still.. Ill take it. 

AND FINALLY!!!!

The husband and I have discussed the need for not only one honorable replacement for OJ the Alpha Kitty, but two. Fortunately for me, where I work there are 3 warehouses and we always have stray cats. Most are feral and crazy wild but there is one kitty that the warehouse boys have been working on taming. This is going to be a beautiful long haired gray cat and she or he is going to my house today. Now I need one more…. 

One more “bad” for the month of September

Thank GOD tomorrow is October!!!

And the worst mother of the year award goes to… guess who.

On this brisk fall morning, for the first time this year, I had to take both kids to school.

We were on time, and everything was running smooth …until… my son announces that his legs were cold. Now, this time of year it can be slightly chilly in the morning and then 80 degrees in the afternoon. I had dressed him in longer shorts with a t-shirt and a jacket. But on the way to take my daughter to her school, his legs were cold.

I had a bad feeling about this…no way was this going to end well.

I tell him there is a warm fuzzy blanket right next to him if he wants to snuggle while we are in the car. “NO” he didn't want the blanket. He wanted to go home and change into pants. He could not understand why we couldn't go home to change into pants and he couldn’t understand why I didn’t understand the necessity. He fussed about the shorts. He fussed that his legs were cold. This went on for about 15 minutes. I tried to distract him with music, nope. I tried to make him laugh, nope. On and on we go about shorts vs. pants. I had finally had enough and get stern with him and told him the way it was going to be – at least for today. He could throw away every pair of shorts in his room and wear pants the rest of his life but that would have to start tomorrow… today he was wearing shorts.

It was time to get out of the car and he was upset and crying now and we were holding up the line so they tell me to pull up so others can get around me. Great.

We have jacked up the carpool line. When he sees me get out of the car he thinks he is in terrible trouble and the crying gets worse as he is telling me he is sorry. I go to his side of the car to get him out and poor thing is sobbing. I hug him and tell him everything is ok and we will get more pants I promise… and I get him out of the car… try to send him on his way. Still crying.  I walk him half way and tell him to go into school so he can start his day and there is a teacher near by that gives me the “signal” to go and she will get him.

I had to walk to my car telling him to go ahead into school and it will be ok. Get in my car and leave my son standing there crying for me and drive away. To think that just because his legs got chilly in the car and he wanted to change into pants set him off is crazy. But it is true. If my Monday and Tuesday morning is any indication of how the rest of the week is going to go I should just take the rest of the week off and go home, lock the door and just wait for Armageddon. 

Where is my damn giant bottle of Advil??

The Good The Bad and The Full Moon

The month of September has been all over the place for me. Highs and lows and everywhere in between.

1-    My son officially started kindergarten and we were done with the stupid staggered entry process, which is I think more to get the teachers acclimated than the children. He has done well so far. They are on the Green, Yellow & Red stoplight behavior chart and if you are super good you are given Blue. He has only seen two blue days. The rest of the month was equally green and yellow. I love it that he is so honest when you ask him what color he was on. I ask him and he says “yellow” and when I ask why he says “playing in the hallway”.  If you read my previous post about his kindergarten assessment and the toy issue we had you can appreciate this… every morning he will put a toy car or something in his backpack. I think he is doing it mainly because he was told he can’t, or could it possibly be like a security blanket ? Not sure yet. Defiant? Yes. Breaking the rules? Yes. He does know he can’t take it out of his bag till he is on the bus or at after school care. I think we will both get on red for this eventually.

2-   My daughter is playing middle school volleyball. She is now in the 8^th grade (the seniors of middle school) and her coach told her she had to be a leader. I think she translated this as being the boss. Which, by the way, comes natural to her. I went to see her play and I was so proud, because she was so good! A trait she did not get from me.

3-   I finally finished my wreaths for my front porch. It only took me 3 ½ weeks to squeeze a wee bit of creative craftiness out of myself.

4-   I mostly cleaned out the dining room/ dumping ground. We can now sit at the table and do homework but the bench is broken so I only have 4 chairs, two of which I am scared to sit on.

5-   Our million dollar washing machine was getting hung on drain/spin/rinse. So I go online and try to figure out the problem. Apparently there is a trap thing under there that all the water goes through when draining. They don’t tell you that in the Maytag manual… you have to go online and figure the shit out yourself. 2 hours later , many gallons of water all over the laundry room floor and we find the trap thing is clogged with two socks, a few marbles, a Popsicle stick and three shoe strings.  Works like a charm now…

6-   My Alpha cat died. He was hit by a car driven by some loser that was probably texting and not looking at the road. OJ was the king of the beasts… the ghost in the darkness… alpha orange kitty who ruled all dogs with an iron paw and whose wallet said “Bad MF”. Now I have no mouser… I have to go find two cats to keep the damn pied piper from taking up residence in my house this fall/winter.

7-   I took my daughter for some much needed mommy/daughter one on one time. She wanted to go shopping… I hate shopping. But I went anyway. Almost $500 lighter in my bank account  I now know why… and the only thing I bought for myself was a $20 desk fan. But I really needed everything I bought… really. Target is what did me in. Damn that place.

8-   The dog has stopped pooping on my deck. I still have to hose it down all the time because she hasn’t stopped peeing on it. I plan on moving my deck furniture to the front porch so I can sit out there when the weather is nice and I don’t have to bring in the cushions. I had two throw pillows that are now her chew toys. I don’t want them anymore. If you could see what she did to them you would understand.

9-   My husband likes to sing in the kitchen on Sundays when he is creating his culinary masterpieces. He also likes to substitute words of a song with my maiden name, which is what he calls me most of the time. So, he is having a large time singing and then he will throw in “my Maroon” for whatever term of endearment is in the lyrics. I just shake my head… I can’t do anything with him.

10- My son mooned the entire after school care class on the playground this past Friday. I am so glad my husband picked him up!!! To his credit he acted totally surprised that our son would do such a thing but then he made the incriminating mistake of adding “at least he yelled FULL MOON before he did it” That was a dead giveaway of where the 5 year old got it from. 

Throwing Some Horns... It's Genetic

For those of you that know me, you know my husband was, is and will always be a rock star. He still looks and acts like a rock star.

OK , here is the funny part of this story. Wednesday nights at church are for adult bible study and the youth program. The youth are doing all kinds of activities including some of their own bible study. My son, who has just gotten used to being called a kindergartener, has had to transition to an older class that he was resisting because he really liked all the toys in the nursery. He  resisted last week but this week he did fine, accepted that he is a big boy now and went with his new Wednesday night teacher. (yay for me) 

My husband, the rock star, usually works later on Wednesday nights so I am mostly solo when going to church. I hate he missed last night. He grew up in this church, went to school with most people there our age so they KNOW… he is the resident & local head banger. At the end of the night each little class can get up on the stage and tell the audience what they learned that night. And it was time for my son to go up. He got on stage and did his ironman pose and then proceeded to throw some Rock and Roll horns in the air for everyone. He then laid on the floor and did some kind of worm thing down the steps and across the floor. Stood up, threw thel horns again as if to say “Thank you ! Good night!”

I had to wrestle him the rest of the time because he didn’t understand that his moment was over and it was someone else’s turn. Thank God everyone knows the boy’s daddy and not a single person was offended or surprised at what my child did in the sanctuary. Nor were they surprised that my husband’s son wanted to get back on the stage.

So , for now, we have managed to avoid the prayer list and entertain everyone all at the same time.

Hot Date, Hot Mess and the Petite Genius

It was our 14^th wedding anniversary dinner date. I remembered we had over $100 in gift cards from Christmas (9 months ago) that we will probably never use because the damn restaurant is at least an hour away so that is where we decided to go. May as well use them right? I was SO looking forward to Friday, mainly because I was getting about 5 hours alone with my husband, but also because I had heard so many wonderful stories about this 18 oz bone in rib eye I was practically drooling by the time we got on the highway.

So my hot date says to me on the way to the rib eye of my dreams, we should probably do some shopping before we go to eat because the wait will be too long at this hour and by the time we eat everything will be closed. Ok, better get me some crackers or something because I might go all jekyl and hyde on you and scratch your face off if I get too hungry. So a pack of Gold-N-Cheese and a pepsi later we arrive at our destination and head into a Barnes and Noble…. my mother ship.

You know, there are certain smells that make me smile. Anything Gain, new car (duh), a new Dooney (which is quite similar to the new car), my fave perfumes, a freshly scrubbed baby (this includes my 13 and 5 year olds) and BOOKS. New books have that distinct smell and you mix that with some coffee and I could fall into one of those overstuffed chairs that everyone in Raleigh has farted and wallowed in and be perfectly content. Although I tell myself that the dutiful workers at Barnes and Noble spray those suckers down with Lysol and vacuum them every night I know better, but its my lie to myself so hush.

Anyway, since I have a NOOK I am no longer allowed to purchase actual books so what the hell am I doing in here I don’t know. But my honey was having a good time pilfering through graphic novels and CDs, so we decided to go ahead and do a little advance Christmas shopping. We amble over to the children’s section, in which I could easily spend $100 in about 5 minutes then walked over to the Thomas the Train section with the wooden trains. First of all they are EXTREMELY expensive for a painted block of wood with wheels and secondly something STUNK to high heaven. Immediately I look at my fabulous husband with the accusing stink eye knowing he went over there and farted, knowing I would walk right into it… and at the same time he gave me the same look! UM.. Hello… I don’t know if you remember but I don’t have gas. And at that moment we both turn around to see a petite mother sitting in a chair, texting on her phone, and her kids were very sweetly playing on the train table. Being parents we both recognized the pungent smell of a stinky toddler and wondered, was it the boy or girl and was this woman so accustomed to this stench that she didn’t recognize it?

She was completely unfazed by the cloud of funk in which we were all engulfed. As we ambled away from the contaminated area I had to wonder… did this woman have a sinus infection that she couldn’t smell or was this some evil genius plan to keep people away. It was better than Mace I tell you. We laughed so hard all the way out of Barnes and Noble I think I snorted.

Finally I sat down to order my steak. Bone in Rib eye, medium, mashed potatoes and salad. Our server was training another server and got our order mixed up. He wanted his steak well done… I wanted mine medium (which is of most importance because I do not eat steak jerky) I get my $25 steak well done. I may as well took $25 out in the parking lot and set fire to it. If there is one thing I don’t do is bitch about food at a restaurant. They can’t undo a well done steak so what are they going to do … put another $25 steak on the grill for me? Probably, but what will they do to that steak before I get it?? Call me paranoid but I have worked in restaurants… and I have seen how problems are handled. Nope… I didn’t say anything. It was still good but not as good as It could have been for sure. The waiter did bring me a giant piece of cheese cake for our anniversary- free. That was nice.

It was time to go and they brought us the check. I had two $50 gift cards of which was about $31 dollars left over unused. I have been a server, and I have been a server in training. None of which are at the top of my list of jobs I have loved. SO, in the spirit of paying it forward and making someone’s day I left our server and server in training the balance left on that gift card as a tip. 50% tip would have made my day … back in the day. I hope it did theirs.

So overall I had a great hot date with my hubby. It’s nice to get alone and realize that we do have fun together, without kids to entertain us. And to the woman in the children’s section, I believe you are a mad genius. You managed to go shopping and not a single sales person bothered you. Or any other human being for that matter. Carry on girlfriend… make sure you get some Desitin for that baby’s butt on your way home. 

This World We Live In...

My mother remembered where she was and what she was wearing when Kennedy was shot. She was 16 years old and probably a sophomore in high school. She remembered it vividly as if time stood still and the oxygen across this entire country had been sucked away by a black hole and no one could breathe.

I can say the same about events that have taken place in my lifetime. I vividly remember where I was when these world events took place:

1-    1974 - Nixon’s resignation speech -  I was 5 years old and in what we now call “time out” and that was what was on the TV.

2-    1977 - Elvis died, mainly because my mother was crying and I didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like she knew him.

3-    1979- Three Mile Island – I was living in NY at the time and didn’t understand why everyone was wigging out. I was 11. They didn’t make as big of a deal out of it then as they would if the same thing happened today. We were fortunate.

4-    In 1981 Both President Regan and Pope John Paul II were shot and wounded.I was still in catholic school at the time.

5-    In 1997- princess Diana was killed in a car accident. I watched her funeral on TV

6-    In 1998 – The Monica Lewinsky thing. I was in bed after getting all wisdom teeth taken out and it was on every channel.

7-    1999- Columbine High Shootings- unbelievable that kids would even do something like that to each other.

8-    2001 – 9/11 – I remember looking out the window at my office thinking what a clear blue day for something so awful. This was the first time I actually used the internet to stay on top of what was happening.

9-    2008- First African American man elected president of United States. I know it was a big deal but in my mind he was just another man that had been elected president. So many times in my life I don't look at things as black or white. I dont think that should be what defines the man and his ability to do his job.

10-  Daily Since 2001 it seems that the news is filled with terrorists and what they are doing. Sometimes I think that the media attention fuels them to get meaner, more viscous and more extreme in their tactics to achieve their goals. I cant for the life of me understand why someone would hate americans, or anyone unlike them for that matter, enough to commit mass murder of innocent people and die along with them. It makes no sense to me. 

I remember each of these incidents over the last 40 years. 9 out of 10 events are not positive or celebratory events in world history. The impact of the devastating events is what makes its mark on our memory. I honestly don’t know if I could list just as many positive world events that I can recall in my lifetime, without having to look them up.

What does that say about us? What does that say about the world we have created that when asked about world events that are burned in our memory not a single one is a happy or joyous event. I have a book full of happy events that are in my own little circle of existence but as far as worldwide.. nope.

How do we fix that? Can’t the media start trying to balance the bad news with an equal amount of good news? Show everyone that the world can be a wonderful place and you don’t have to look too hard to see it. I am trying to do that with my kids. At least I can show them that our planet is not a punishment or trial we have to muddle through to get to the next level of existence. Life is what you make of it and as my Granny would say “The Lord won’t put any more on you than you can bear, but he sure can bend you double sometimes.”

Things I Cried Over or Almost Cried Over in the Last 30 Days

1-    I would have to say at the top of the list has to be taking my baby to kindergarten.

2-    Walking out of kindergarten and down the hall away from him wondering if he was going to get on the right bus and get to his afterschool care or would these people lose my child.

3-    Him telling me on his third day that he was going to walk by himself and its ok mommy.

4-    I have worn my hair in a pony tail for almost two weeks because with all the starting of two schools for two kids I don’t have the time to go get my hair done. I look like some hobo two tone trash but… I can put it in a ponytail again (small smile)

5-    I haven’t had time to write. Literally I have not written a thing since the whole kindergarten growling incident.

6-    The fact that I didn’t have my mother here to help me see the humor in everything was upsetting. Having to literally talk to my self as if she was talking to me to help me get a laugh out of the whole situation was ultimately sad.

7-    Some inconsiderate asshole who wasn’t watching where they were going hit and killed our beloved OJ Kitty. People drive too fast on the road we live and I am sure they didn’t even bother to slow down because of an animal close to the road… hit the poor thing and keep going. I probably know who did it and honestly, it is best if I don’t find out. Whenever I see an animal I slow down… even if they are walking along side of the road but some people don’t care… and will hit and kill an animal and keep going like they hit a pothole. I hope they all rot.

8-    It rained about 5 inches in one day this week… and of course I left my deck furniture cushions out so they are DRENCHED…. STILL… I don’t think they will ever dry out so I can sit out there before spring…. That is how wet they are.

9-    After a bit of research and some Ph strips I have figured out that I am considerably acidic. Great. From what I read I may as well go outside and start eating grass and dirt to become more alkaline. Apparently acidic is bad… alkaline is good.

10-  And last but not least… there are 12 boards on my deck that still have to be painted. And when the grass is wet the dog seems to think she is too good to get her feet wet and go to the bathroom in the yard… so she does her business on my deck… that I then have to scrub -  because she is stupid.

Somewhere between a growling 5 year old and a stupid dog I did manage to find some humor in all things listed with the exception of #7. RIP OJ… you were one bad ass kitty. 

As Much As I Would Love To…. (a 10 point rant for this holiday weekend)

Each of these points begin with - "As much as I would love to...."

1-       … go to the beach this weekend, I honestly don’t think I have it in me. It should be my happy place but I find that we end up rushing around more there than we do at home. Trying to cram all we can into the 36 hours we are there is exhausting. And if you are already mentally exhausted before you go it is a doozy when you get back.

2-      … call and complain to my son’s new school about how jacked up their whole kindergarten entry plan is, what good will it do ? None. The website is awful, the communication is worse and the whole staggered entry leaves me cranky. The last thing I need to do is piss off any of those people – that is what I keep telling myself.

3-      … get rid of this pounding headache it is reminding me that I have reduced the amount of sugar in my diet and that is a good reminder. Annoying but good.

4-      … get my hair done there is no time this week for any of that crap. So I will put it off yet again and wait for the opportunity to arise. In the mean time I will just have to pull it back (which I can finally do again) into a pony tail and keep going.

5-      … find the perfect pocketbook I have come to realize that the damn thing probably doesn't exist. Maybe I should design my own… submit it to Dooney & Bourke and let them have the design if they will just give me one. Yes. That is a plan.

6-      … wake up one morning and be 2 sizes smaller than I am now I know that isn't going to happen. Weight loss takes work, discipline, movement and dedication. And as much as I despise to break a sweat it will have to happen. Why can’t I starve on the sofa?? Why do I have to sweat and become an unbearable cranky bitch?

7-      … drink more water, I find that a very difficult task. Mainly because I hate water. I have to FORCE myself to drink water and honestly if I don’t eat water gives me heartburn. Yes, I know you think I am crazy but just like when you are throwing up you know what made you sick. When I have heartburn I know what gave it to me and it is always too much water. And whoever the crazy bastard was that said drink half your body weight in ounces of water should be shot. Seriously! Just put an NG tube down my throat and hook it up to a faucet because that is what it will feel like. Drown me now. Drinking water constantly from the time my feet hit the floor till the time I go to bed.  A deluge amount of water. He is crazy as hell.

8-      … wear all the fancy heels in my closet, I am too lazy to even dig them out. The thought of prancing around in 4” heels all day makes me a little dizzy. My feet hurt just thinking about it. I need to but they will make my feet hurt. And I am too clumsy to even think about it. The injury potential at this time in my life is rather high. I think I will just make sure I have them when #7 &#8 work out for me. The less you weigh, the less your feet will hurt in those pretty shoes. Truth.

9-      … sit down at the sewing machine I bought 6 months ago and make my t shirt quilt I have  problem actually finding the time to LEARN how to operate the damn thing. Thread a bobbin… there is a nightmare for you. There are you tube videos on how to work this particular machine but TIME is a problem. I have NO TIME to actually sit down with a computer and watch the video and teach myself.  I have yet to plug the damn thing in and turn it on. Much like the Zumba box, it lives in the dining room. At least I did put the Zumba DVD in and watch the first part of the how to dance video. Don’t get me started on that…. Another whole blog post just for Beto and his scary old lady friend.

10-   … finally paint those last 12 boards on my deck I don’t see it happening this weekend. Its hot as 40 blazes of hell outside and I am not in the mood to start sweating … see #6.

Y'all have a wonderful Labor Day Holiday weekend! I am in a much better mood now... thank you!

Kindergarten Round 2

When someone tells you that no two children are alike… they are speaking the truth!

My son is 5. He has been in preschool for two years. He knows all his ABCs, 123s, sight words, shapes, colors and he can write his little name beautifully. He can also tell you all about the solar system, planets, galaxies, nebulae, dwarf planets, the difference between revolution and rotation, gas giants and what Saturn’s rings are made of.

Before he starts kindergarten he has to go to the school and be “assessed”. He was nervous so I let him bring some of his cars with us on the way to the school. I thought he had left them in the car but apparently he had one in his pocket. While we were waiting in the library for them to take him back he was calm and playing with the car. I told him to put it in my pocketbook and I thought he had, but he had put it in his pocket. And by the time I realized he had it with him he was already out the door and headed down the hall.

Two hours later here he comes… all smiles… life is good. And as I am standing there one of the teachers comes over to me and asks me if I was his mother. I thought she was getting ready to tell me my child was a genius… why is he not in college at 5 years old?? Nope… she proceeds to reprimand me for allowing him to take a car with him because it was a distraction, he wouldn't listen or follow direction and we don’t allow them to bring toys to kindergarten. Before I could tell her that I know all this and it was an accident, she looks at him and tells him he cannot bring toys to school and he must leave his toys at home.

I am still standing there shocked that I didn't get a glowing report that my child was a reincarnated Einstein/ Carl Sagan when I heard him GROWL at this woman! He literally bared his teeth and growled at her when she told him he could not bring a toy to school. Instinctively I put my hand over his face and pull him behind me hoping she didn't realize that he actually growled at her and hoping even more that she didn't think he was going to bite her.  At that time I was able to tell her it was an accident and apologize for the distraction. I head out the door with him and I know he is mad. He says he wants to go home but I had to tell him that I had to go to work and he needed to go to his preschool. It was all downhill after that. He was really mad now. By the time we both got to preschool we were both in tears. His was because he was scared he was in trouble and he knew he had misbehaved. Mine because everything that should have gone smoothly and glowingly spiraled out of control and now these teachers think my son is a nutcase.

 Apparently all the prepping we have done to get him ready for the big change to kindergarten did not work out so well. I can only hope that he gets comfortable soon and returns to his normal self so they can see the real boy beyond the nervous child they saw today. I don’t know what they saw today… he went to 5 different teachers and it could have been that this one last teacher he was being tested with just didn't click with him. I hope my son isn't etched in her memory as the child that growled at her the first time she met him. I hope my son isn't the subject of her teaching horror stories later in life. I hope she doesn't write a book, and a lifetime movie isn't made and some famous kid doesn't represent my child growling at her… if so I want the names changed. I am sure all those teachers are in a room right now wondering who is going to draw the short straw and get that Barefoot boy. I could have created an entire comedy sitcom episode out of what happened this morning... but instead just let it be a small hilarious chapter in the book of my life.

Only in the Asylums of the South...

A friend posted this on FaceBook... a list of reasons to be admitted to the insane asylum from 1864-1889.
Quite funny reading... especially about the afflictions that one only does to themselves.
I could have probably been admitted for about 1/4 of these things back in the day. I know some people that could qualify for over half of these ailments. Do you qualify???

Ferguson is a Mess and I am confused... But I Do Know a Few Things...

I like Matt Walsh... sometimes I agree and sometimes I don't agree with what he writes but it is always an interesting read.

Today he addresses the mess in Ferguson. The shooting of an unarmed young black man by a police officer.
His point in this article is to confuse the reader with various reports by the media... and point out the fact that we don't know all the facts and opinions are just that. I admit that I have not read up on this incident much because the media is biased, FOX news will say one thing, CNN another and MSN, ABC, NBC, CBS something totally different. If you read too much about this mess you will be confused too. Did  the officer use excessive force?  Forensics and science will prove some things as truth. And that is where we need to start when trying unravel what happened.

What I do know is that a young man is dead. 
A mother has lost and has to bury her child.
A lot of people are reacting in violent and irrational way which will only lead to someone else getting hurt.

Why the violence and looting? Those businesses didn't have a thing to do with what happened to that boy. The people that own those businesses have families to support... does hurting them help the situation? Is all this violence justified? If you are angry ... channel your anger, direct it to the parties responsible for the mess. Exercise your God given rights as a citizen of Ferguson and change the laws. Change the procedures that law enforcement has to follow when confronted with a similar situation. And by all means, PROTEST, peacefully.

Eventually all the facts and truths will come out. Opinions are just that and everyone has one.
If it is proven that the officer used excessive force make him accountable for his actions. I have no problem throwing him in front of a judge, jury and warden.
Don't create a bigger problem by  looting, stealing and vandalizing in the name of justice.
Someone will get hurt and that doesn't fix the problem.

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/08/18/dont-know-happened-michael-brown-stop-pretending/

All Souls Trilogy Review

Ok – much like several other trendy trilogies I read the first two. I thought they were wonderful. I couldn't wait for the third and last one to be released.

And then …. DAMN.

It started off pretty good and then it got a little wacky. Its almost like these authors are struggling to complete the series and really get way out there. Reaching for words and plots to finish their contractual obligation to the publisher.

Just suffice it to say I really enjoyed this third and final installment, until…. Our heroine finally comes full of her own power- and tree branches start growing out of her head. I could easily imagine everything else in this witch/vampire story. But the literal idea that she IS the tree of life, the living book of life, with branches sprouting from her head and her hair getting all tangled up in them was reaching a bit too much for me. I couldn't enjoy the final few chapters for trying to imagine how she looked – like a beautiful Medusa with branches instead of snakes? Nope. That one little part sent all my enjoyment spiraling out of control downhill. I love this heroine... but by the end of this installment I was more fond of all  the other characters.  I wish she would have done more with the ghosts of Emily and Phillip. I thought by the end of the last book she had made Diana so powerful that if you try to imagine "what next" for this woman you can't see her fitting in anywhere or with anyone. She would be so distinctly alone and isolated later in life. I actually felt sorry for her for being so much more powerful than anyone she loves that it will doom her very existence. 

Note to authors… its ok to be imaginative but don’t make it so unappealing that your reader loses their love for your character. 

The Swinging Pendulum - Update

OH MY GOOD GRACIOUS GOD IN HEAVEN!

I cannot believe the reactions people are having to the death of Robin Williams.Now we find out that the poor guy was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, and my heart breaks just a little more for him.

I truly feel everyone is shocked and upset over losing such a talented man that made us all laugh. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Our job is to respect that person’s opinion, whether we counter it with our own is our choice. But the violent and hateful responses some bloggers are getting is a bit too much for me. Fortunately, I have not received the “go kill yourself” or various other profanity laced reactions that other bloggers have received.

No matter how you look at it, the whole event is a terrible tragedy. No matter your religion, and whether or not you believe that someone who commits suicide is going straight to hell, it is still a terrible tragedy. Furthermore, can you imagine the state of mind of those that are raised to believe that very thing, and still decide that death and spending eternity in the fiery pit of hell is a better alternative than living? I can’t even begin to understand that dark place where there is no hope or light. But I know there are people that have been there and somehow came out on the other side. The problem is knowing which ones can’t find their way back. How do we distinguish them from the ones that can? How do you know?

We don’t know. We never know what is inside someone’s head and we never know what is going to be the tipping point for them. The point of all consuming pain and despair that they hide so well. We never know until it is too late.

Mental illness is serious. It is not an excuse for bad behavior and laziness or a crutch for those that are simply unwilling to try. It is a daily struggle for many. They have managed to create a mask for the world but when they are alone they face themselves and their demons, and it gets harder and harder to fight them. I pray for those people and hope they can find the help they need. That they aren't afraid to ask for that help, and that help is readily given and just as readily accepted.

So here is to looking toward the light, seeing the glass as half full and finding the hope to carry on one more day. 
  

The Swinging Pendulum - Robin Williams We Will Miss You!

It appears that just about everyone has an opinion about Robin Williams and the details around his death. Most, like myself, are incredibly sad that a man so full of life, humor and talent could not see all those things in himself. He had to have been one of my very favorite actors, and as far as celebrity he was one of the top few I respected and felt that he cared about others who weren't famous. A real person that if I ran into him somewhere I would feel comfortable speaking to him. I always felt he had a manic type of personality. An extremist in his comedic talent, which made me laugh so hard I cried and my cheeks hurt. He was also just as talented in his dramatic roles and very committed to his art.

When I think of him now I can see the pendulum effect that he couldn't manage to get under control, and that eventually sent him into a dark place where his only way to find peace was to take his own life. If I look at the mental state of someone like a swinging pendulum, it is easier to understand. Most of us stay in the short swing, left and right, happy and sad. We manage to keep it under control and maintain a middle ground only occasionally swinging to the right or left. And then there are those with the wide swing. The manic depressive folks. These are the people that can swing so far to the right, the equal and opposite reaction is the same extreme swing to the left. How do they survive in the extremes?

I don’t think I would have been nearly as upset if he had perished in a car accident. The way he decided to take his own life is devastating to me. He had to be in such a dire state of despair he chose a terrible way to go. Hanging? That is not a quick way die. Gunshot… easy. Hanging by a belt.. on door? Maybe all he had to do was stand up and decide to live. But the fact that he chose to die as an alternative to life, his mental pendulum had swung so far to the left that he couldn't find his way back. He couldn't use his humor and talent to heal his tormented soul. His gift of laughter and his talent to make the world smile was his extreme pendulum swing to the right, only to be answered by the mental depression that comes when that same pendulum swings left.

Unlike so many, he did seek help. He knew the dangerous swings to the dark side were going to consume him, and ultimately they did. Thankfully his legacy will live on and he will continue to make us laugh and smile.

My only hope is that his passing will shed some light on the mental illnesses that affect us all at different times of our lives. Sometimes we can shake it… sometimes we can’t. And for those that find themselves living longer on the extreme dark side… please seek help.

                                 

This is my favorite tribute to him … Genie, you are free. 

The Dog Doesn't Understand...

Bless Anna Banana Fo Fanna... she doesn't understand that when there is a New Orleans Saints game on TV... there will be no fetch... inside or outside... gotta give her credit for persistence. She thinks if she keeps putting that nasty slobbery tennis ball in my lap I will throw it... She was right... about the 10th time she dropped that nasty thing in my lap I threw it down the 30ft hallway... and so it began... for about 45 minutes.

Maybe I am the one that doesn't understand...

Cinderella (that would be me) Has Arrived...

I spent a weekend at the Greenbrier Resort in the mountains of West Virginia. Being a history buff of sorts I have read and seen many things about the Greenbrier. Suffice it to say that NOTHING prepared me for this place.

We planned our visit around the start our favorite NFL team’s training camp schedule (New Orleans Saints) and my husband’s 43^rd birthday. Both events fell on Friday July 25^th. We arrived in time for the late afternoon practice and were fortunate enough to see some of our favorite players for autographs and pictures. As far as we were concerned... we did what we set out to do (cross that of the bucket list)... we could have turned around and gone back home at that point, but our room was already paid for so we were staying. LORDY,  I am so glad we stayed!!! To say that the entire "open to the public" event for the Greenbrier was well thought out is an understatement. Whoever was in charge... congratulations... you pulled it off. Even the tailgate picnic which sold 5000 tickets was well done. I might could have done a better job... but I doubt it. (just kidding) The facility is beautiful and we enjoyed every second.

 

We drove to the gate and the guard gave us a fancy pass that allowed us to park on the property and distinguished us from others that weren't staying at the resort. We drove up to the hotel porte-cochere and I couldn't help but hold my breath. It had to be the most beautiful place I had ever been. Sometimes I can be otherworldly sensitive to a place steeped in history. It was gleaming white against the clear blue sky and the green of the mountains. Originally known for the sulfur spring on the property, which is still there, the hotel was built in 1858 prior to the civil war. During the war it was used as a hospital and began under the confederate army but by the end of the war it was in Union hands, who almost burned it to the ground. What is it about them wanting to burn everything? GEEZ!  

This man has greeted folks for 56yrs

And here come the bell men. We get out of the car and stretch our legs and these guys are buzzing all around us. They wouldn't let us lift a thing. Our room was not ready yet so they put our things in storage until we received the call and they would meet us at the front desk. Now, I am not stupid. I know these people are working for a tip. And believe me – we tipped them well. $20 bills falling out of our hands like water through a colander. So while we were waiting we started wandering around checking out everything. The Draper décor was amazing. Sometimes it was a little hard on the eyes but definitely a signature for the place. Bold amazing color combinations that made me think that if Dorothy Draper had twins they would be Laura Ashley and Lilly Pulitzer.  

Between wandering around, lunch, outdoor pool time, bowling alley and dinner all around the NFL team tailgate picnic on Saturday we were exhausted but smiling and so very very happy. Mainly because the football gods were smiling on us and since we were the first in line to check in we were given the first available room... at the very end of the hallway  in the west wing on the floor with ALL the football players. We had to walk past all their rooms to get to ours and my crowd was thrilled to see all these guys in the hallway. Picking out who we knew... and trying to figure out the rest. They were all so kind and friendly. Quick to stop and take a picture with my kids and that is probably the one thing they will remember the most. Such a wonderful group!

  

It was an amazing time and I truly feel like in a past life I must have been extremely wealthy because I felt so at home there. Everyone made us feel like royalty and we left on Sunday morning wondering how in the world we could go back home to our 100 year old farm house! The flowers could rival Disney World in the spring. The ambiance and treatment we received was above and beyond anything I had ever experienced. I fit right in … like an old shoe. More like a glass slipper… but it fit!! Oh sweet Jesus I am HOME!

We are going back. My daughter wants to make this an annual family trip. Saints Training Camp at the Greenbrier. My only thing is that we have to stay longer. At least 4 days to really enjoy our time there. So much to do and not enough time to do it all! The most wonderful thing is that they have so much to do there is never any waiting for an activity. My children could stay at that dreamy outdoor pool all day and so could I… with people waiting on me the whole time. Running into the football players in the hall was quite a treat too!  Thanks Cam Jordan!

                                                          

Things I Laughed About (and I did the snort laugh) the Month of July

1 – My husband, pop, and children have discovered the paddle board. These are not people with the best balance, with the exception of my husband, so watching them get to a standing position on that thing was hilarious… and I was ready and waiting with a camera. It is all documented.

2 – I had my first deep tissue massage in many years. Needless to say he found my sciatic nerve and tap danced on it. He said “I apologize if I am a bit heavy handed” to which I responded “well I apologize in advance for the acute onset of turrets syndrome I will have the next time you find that nerve…it’s nothing personal" and then I started screaming and cussing....followed by the snort laugh.

3 – The John Edward event that Pop and I attended. We sat there the entire time listening for anything that might apply to us… and just when we were about to give up, 15 minutes before the whole thing was over, BINGO… he called me out on the one thing that would apply to me out of 250 people. Of course… my mother “queenie” a last minute Lucy that will get the last word and then make the poor guy run over his session 15 minutes.This gave me a decent chuckle.

4 – Taking our kids on a great adventure to West Virginia for the New Orleans Saints training camp. Our 5 year old thought it was his duty every time we walked into our hotel room to test the beds by jumping back and forth hollering “look  mama… I can fly”

5 – Our eternally untrainable dog… we let her out the back door so she can go to her little yard and play on the deck. She doesn’t go to her little yard… she thinks my deck is her little yard and every day I am washing the damn thing because she has done all her business on my newly painted deck. I have to laugh about this because she is stupid and if I don’t find some small fragment of humor in it she will be a yard dog… soon.

6 – The episode of Seinfeld where Kramer buys a pair of blue jeans. Skinny jeans to be more specific. If you haven’t seen it, you need to .. but make sure your bladder is empty first I had to watch it twice because I was laughing so hard my eyes were shut. It is terribly hard to laugh that hard and still see.

7 – Tom & Jerry. Saturday Evening Puss episode from 1950. My son loves old Tom and Jerry. This particular episode is like giving him a 5lb bag of sugar. I can’t show it to him at night because he gets so jacked up, running and jumping around he can’t go to bed. So I let him watch it first thing in the morning… and then send him off to preschool.

8 – When we were at training camp I was standing right there when Coach Payton was holding a West Virginia License plate that said “who dat” he said “someone tweet me this”. I have had a twitter account for a couple of years but don’t use it. So I signed on and looked at his twitter and no one had sent it to him. So I did. Now, Mind you I don’t really know how to use twitter, so when I tagged him and sent it my phone started going bezerk. I was at work and the damn thing almost vibrated of my desk. I had to catch it only to turn it off. I thought the battery was going dead because it was buzzing constantly. 200+ retweets later I hope he finally saw the damn thing. I don’t think twitter is going to be my thing

9 – My Zumba DVD’s and weights are still in the box, still in the dining room. Going on month 3 now. Just imagining myself in my living room trying to be coordinated makes me laugh. 

10 – This summer has been a grueling and exhausting adventure. Although it has been non stop, it has been fun and we are so tired we can’t even complain about… all we can do is laugh. We have had such a good time and have made so many great memories. We are very blessed and very happy…but very tired…HA HA .

Things I Cried over - or Almost Cried Over- the Month of July

Borrowed this topic from Rubber Shoes in Hell Blog

 

1-    You know, I look in the mirror and I don’t see the wrinkles that I see when I look at myself in a photograph. Why is that? Do I really look as wrinkly around the eyes in person as I do in a picture?? What the hell is wrong with me that I don’t see what I think everyone else sees?

2-    I am going to be 46 in a few months. I know I am midlife-ing and hormonal. That is all I have to say about that.

3-    I have started taking Glucosomine for my knees because I can hear the cartilage when they bend like wadded up aluminum foil. *CRUNCH*

4-    I wasted a ton of money on a dog trainer that did not train the dog. As much money as I paid him why didn't he take the damn dog with him and bring her back all trained and ready to go. This dog craps on my deck (yes.. the one I worked my ass off on) and she is nowhere near house trained. She fetches quite well though. (I taught her that)

5-    My mother has been gone from us for three months. Staying busy helps but then the overwhelming sadness and anguish hits you when you least expect it and in the most inappropriate places.

6-    Going.. going… going all summer long. And feeling like I can’t get caught  up on anything at home. Laundry piles up, dust piles up, clutter piles up, bathrooms need power washing…with bleach.

7-    My deck that I worked so hard on – and still have 12 boards to paint- I haven’t been home long enough to enjoy it. I haven’t put my cushions out in over three weeks. And the dog still craps on it… and I have to hose it down every day.

8-    I registered my baby for kindergarten. My older baby is one year away from high school. That should be enough. Just sayin.

9-    My house needs deep cleaning… and I mean DEEP… and this past weekend would have been great… but my family that wants to go go go … together… derailed my cleaning plans and we ended up at a mall. My house still needs that cleaning...with bleach.

10- I need a pedicure, but I don’t have time to go get one. And I can’t hardy reach my toes to do it myself. Because I am almost 46 and my boobs are in the way.

So, I didn't cry over all these things… I may have gotten a little misty eyed or just thought about crying over them. Not that crying over them would have made any of it any better. And these things listed are mostly minor frustrations in every day existence… not catastrophic events that are life altering. My life is wonderful and I have no complaints… not really. 

Trying Again... and Taking Bets

I bought some “lucky” bamboo today.

I am probably insane if I think it will work but it is something green in my otherwise nothing green office environment. It has happy plastic gemstones in the votive candle holder planter. Let’s see how long it takes me to kill it. Taking bets…

Why did I buy a little green bamboo plant? Well… it was $14 and it looked full and happy which made me think it had magical Chinese infectious properties and would in turn make me full and happy. I am already full (ish) so let’s see if it makes me happy before it meets an untimely slow demise because I forgot it needs water. 

As much as I try I cannot manage to make a plant thrive in my care. I have killed everything… some things take more time than others but they all die. Usually due to drowning because I don’t like to stick my fingers in dirt to see if it even needs water to begin with. I love to have plants all over my deck and front porch but they are a money pit… because I always have to replace dead ones half way through the summer.

I get an “A” for effort and an “X” for being a dumb ass thinking I could keep something alive for 6 months. I should let my home be a barren place void of anything green. It isn't like I don’t have enough green all around me... fields on three sides and woods on the last. Crops of corn and cotton to the right, left and front. Why do I need anything green or flowery on my porch and deck. Because it is inviting?? Pretty?

No. It is only for me. There isn't a single person that lives there that could give a flying flip about plants and flowers.  My house is pretty with flowers and ferns (which are a little harder to kill thank God) so I will continue to blow unnecessary funds on floral/foliage accents just for me. And if my husband wants to know how much it was (which he never asks) he will hear the requisite $50 response.

For those of you that aren't aware of the code… if he hears $50 that means don’t ask because you don’t want to know the real number. It is almost where he never asks how much anything is anymore…. and that is a good thing.

$50 isn't much for my months of happy thoughts because my deck and porch are so pretty. Nope.. $50 is good. (sshhh) If anyone ever drives past my house and everything looks lush and green just know that it is all new and all the dead stuff has just been replaced. And all is well with the world again.