This Made Me Laugh - and Pepsi Came Out My Nose

I don't know why this made me bust out laughing... it is exactly what I would say... followed by .. 

DON'T DO IT

Southern Belle Secrets

LORD GOD ALMIGHTY I can only imagine what I would look like without a skincare regimen, pedicures, body lotion, highlights and a curling/flat iron at my disposal. 

Do men even realize what we do to just maintain, let alone improve the way we look?

I know they realize the time it takes because all I ever hear is how long it takes me to get ready to go somewhere. Now, if I am going to Lowes it takes about 10 minutes. Life is Good ball cap, jeans and a t-shirt. Earrings are a must and so is mascara, a bit of liner and some tinted lip gloss. I would hate to frighten everyone in rural Harnett County with the total disregard of these essentials. I have seen those posts on Facebook about people in Wal Mart in their pajamas – or less – and that will not be this girl.

 Speaking of those posts… why would any human being dress like that? There isn’t a single time I have ever thought about going to a Wal Mart that a vision of those people didn’t cross my mind. Half the time I change my mind and rationalize that there isn’t really anything I need at Wal Mart anyway. Its not that I think I am a better person than anyone there… but the lack of self respect, respect for others, decorum and simple dignity drives me nuttier than a squirrel turd and I have to go home and take 4 advil. And the whole dang day is shot to hell.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes, God is the only beholder with the forgiving eye. There really is someone for everyone and that 300 pound chick in Wal Mart with her daisy dukes, knock off UGG boots and tank top on deserves to be loved too. I hope she finds that person that God made for her and they live a long happy Wal Mart shopping life. Women are not the only ones guilty of public fashion fouls, men can be just as bad. Lets hope they all find each other. It has to all be in “the raising” of a child. Children learn by example so there are many generations of these people all congregating in your local Wal Mart. 

I do go there occasionally, usually when I am in a hurry and don’t have time to order what I need online or drive 30 minutes to the nearest Target. But you can believe I go in … focused… I know what I need and I am headed to get it… and get the hell out of there. I usually go in so fast that I never meander around long enough to see anyone I know. And that is fabulous!

 I feel like the rest of this country thinks that the South is either southern class or southern trash. Nothing in between. Bless their hearts. 

Diamonds in the Rough

I have several single girlfriends that I have talked to over the years about their dating dramas and various other single girl issues.

When a woman becomes newly single she MUST take the time to heal. If she doesn't take that crucial time she may fall into the same type of relationship that caused her to be single. Much like grieving, there are stages in the whole demise of a relationship. Sadness, anger, depression, anger again, and so on…

And in the beginning she will make a mental list of what she doesn't want in one column and what she does want in another column. Usually the best and worst of her last relationship is at the top of both lists. And then there is the last column that is the list of attributes for her perfect man.

And she has made the decision that she will not settle for anything other than exactly what she wants. Who can blame her – why should she?

But here is the thing… to an extent, you have to settle. In some ways and in some aspects you have to settle because no one is going to fit in the “perfect man” category. And here is what I am talking about…. I have been with the same man for over 22 years, married for 14 and to me he is the “perfect man”. However, there are pieces in the puzzle of our relationship that don’t fit. That is because we are two different people and we make our differences work.

Never settle for just anyone because you are tired of being alone. That is not what I am saying. Just don’t let the checklists get in the way of a real gem. Trust your instincts because that is what we women have that men forget. If the loser alarms are ringing .-run. If the player alarms are ringing – run. If you are my age and single I am sure you already know that the one nighters are dead ends, the online dating sites are 75% bullshit because no man portrays themselves in a genuine light and the “perfect man” will not have a sign over his head like the HOT light at Krispy Kreme.

When I met my future husband the sparks weren't flying, fireworks weren't going off and he was SO not my type. We had mutual friends and therefore saw each other often so I had the opportunity to get to know him in a casual setting with other people around. That was when the fireworks started going off… and the rest is history.

So, in closing, don’t judge the diamond by what it looks like when you find it. All diamonds are covered in dirt and have to have layers of hard rocky shell that surrounds and protects it removed to see what truly lies beneath. All diamonds have flaws, that is what makes them unique, but there are diamonds that are a much higher quality than others… and of course we all want the best.

Enjoy the ride my friends, it is what makes life fun.

Preachin About Reality

I need coffee this morning, and lots of it. And it is only Tuesday.

The older I get the more I realize that caffeine is my friend. I like my BFF dressed in a Campbell University black and orange mug with Coldstone sweet cream creamer and some Splenda. After at least two cups all is well with the world again and I can take on just about anything.

Except …. Stupid people. I cannot deal with stupid people. Stupidity comes on many different levels too… just like there are people with book smarts and street smarts… there are people that have book stupidity and street stupidity. Disrespecting, mean, egotistical, selfish, cantankerous, difficult people are stupid too. What makes them think that anyone wants to deal with them is my question. Were they absent when God was handing out the rules?? Be kind to your fellow man… and so on…

When I cross paths with people that are going to try my patience I have to tune them out and ignore them. Because if I don’t, I fear what may transpire when my mouth overrules my mind. I am in my mid 40’s and have come to the realization that the world needs more Julia Sugarbakers and fewer Kardashians.

I would love to witness Julia Sugarbaker’s  take on that crowd… they may learn a thing or two about self respect, manners, honor and dignity. I could care less about 60 minutes in their lives… come on… Kim’s original claim to fame was her friendship with Paris Hilton, and her OJ Simpson murder defending father. What about that makes her in any way interesting OR her family special??? Reality TV at its lowest form… I don’t know what is worse… them or Honey BooBoo and the Toddlers & Tiaras. I am sure there has to be… has to be a decent reality show out there that doesn't feel like an insult to my intelligence. Probably not. 

I live in the south where crazy is the norm. Every family has enough crazy people and enough drama that they shouldn't ever have to tune into someone else’s. There is even a song that says hide your crazy and act like a lady. Amen.. I do it every day. Why being voyeurs into other people’s drama is appealing is beyond me. I have enough drama in my life without having to witness anyone else’s. Look at your own life … you have plenty of drama to entertain yourself. The less the world tunes into reality TV the fewer shows we will see. Don’t waste your mental energy diving and swimming around  that cesspool of stupidity.

Preachin it to the masses… with a little bit of sass.