Resolutions... 2016 Version

Ok – here it is… the New Year Resolution post… I have already written about writing more and being more active on my blog but here are a few more.

1-      Read more – I love to read. But I am torn… between the convenience of an ebook and the love of a real book. I love turning pages. I love the FEEL of a book in my hands. It makes me feel smart. Holding a device and turning digital pages is not the same to me and I think it makes me look like everyone else in the world looking at their phone or tablet. Holding a real book in my hands gives me the opportunity to imagine climbing into the world I am reading about and living the story. I don’t get that same feeling from an ebook. So I am going to read more REAL books.

2-     Appreciate more – I need to appreciate the little things more. The baby steps in this life that add up to the big steps and monumental memories are the ones I want to notice and appreciate more. The dusting can wait. The dishes can wait. When you have the opportunity to spend precious time with someone you love …the little chores can wait.

3-     Save more – Lord have mercy… I am a spender not a saver. I need to save more. I have started collecting all the change laying around the house and have about two mason jars now. I will also start putting away more out of my paycheck each week… if I never see it in there I won’t miss it. A little adds up to a lot over time.

4-     Love more - When I was 30 I thought I knew what love was. Then I had a child. When I was 40 I thought I knew what love was. Then I had another child. When I was 46 I realized I had no idea what the idea of love was… because to love you need to lose. I had never lost someone I loved deeply. And how can you know the depth of your ability to love unless you know the depth of sorrow when that person is gone.  When I lost my mother it was a devastating blow I never saw coming.  But it taught me one thing above all else. I know my personal love gauge now and I am more in touch with how I feel about someone now because I have something to measure it against. Now that I have established this mental love meter I look at the world a little differently. I look at the people I love in my life differently. I treasure them more. And I tell them.

5-     Lose more – Weight that is… 40 pounds gone over a years time. It came off slowly which is good. Now I need to keep it going. There is a pair of pants hanging in my closet…come on… we all have that pair. The goal pants. The pants we wore when we felt we looked our personal best. I have had these pants for 16 years. When I became pregnant with my first child they were hung in the closet. They are still on that same hangar. Sad but true. I will get there one day. And if I don’t do anything but put them on one time and then donate them that is ok.

6-     Try more -  Instead of saying “it is what it is” maybe trying a bit harder and it be “it could be what it could be” . Putting forth that little bit of extra effort and see if that improves some of the situations I would normally cast aside as circumstances beyond my control. Maybe things would turn out differently for everyone with just a bit of positive input.

That is my first list. I am sure there will be another list. And another list. This is going to be an interesting year!!

What are you made of?

Mettle –  noun

a person's ability to cope well with difficulties or to face a demanding situation in a spirited and resilient way.

synonyms: spirit, fortitude, strength of character, moral fiber, steel, determination, resolve, resolution, backbone, grit, true grit, courage, courageousness, bravery, valor, fearlessness, daring

My Granny, Martha, used to refer to someone’s mettle and as a child I was confused because I thought she was saying “metal”. Which in a way was not that far off because I still interpreted it the same. She was talking about what they were made of. They were either strong or soft. With her there was no in between.

                                                                         

When life throws you a challenge you can either step up and give it all you have got or you can fold and wither away. And that is all determined on your mettle. In my family we have a long history of super strong women. These women could deal with anything you threw at them. They were the champions and cheerleaders for us all. When things went sideways they were the ones that pulled everyone up by their bootstraps and carried on. However, when it came to themselves they were the complete opposite. They didn’t fight for themselves, they would fight like hell for everyone else but when the tables were turned they didn’t fight for themselves. When life threw a curve ball at them they were the ones that gave up and withered away.

When it came to themselves, my husband’s family are the complete opposite… these women were not about to give into sickness. They fought to their last breath mainly because they were not willing to give up. They were all of the mindset that the Lord will not put any more on you than you can bear, but he sure can bend you double sometimes.

What are you made of?

If life threw you a curve ball how would you handle it?  Fight or Flight ?

That is your mettle…

Back to the Business of My Business

Every day I think to myself – I need to write something today… and then I don’t.  I have so much and so little to write about. I second guess just about everything that comes across my mind to write about. And then I don’t write. And before I know it a week has passed and I haven’t written a single word. Then a month… and longer…

 I don’t think it is the lack of subject matter, Lord knows I have plenty I can talk about. I think I second guess what anyone reading my blog might find interesting, amusing, enlightening or entertaining. I think of something at least once a day and then I start analyzing it… how much can I write about this, would anyone be interested or even care? I have a standard of at least being able to fill one page in word with any particular posting. If I can’t do that then what I have to say can’t be that important or interesting.

I need to get over that.

I try not to write about anything personal, political, job or family related. So many things are off limits that I have boxed myself in a hole of only a handful of things I can actually write about that won’t offend or hurt someone’s feelings. And that is unfair… to me. It limits me and so much of what I have to say comes from my every day life that excluding those subjects practically makes me verbally impotent.

Here it is and the new year is right around the corner. I already have a resolution.

Write… just write. Regardless of whether or not anyone reads it… just write. Regardless of whether anyone is offended, disagrees or finds it a waste of time… just write.

            

It is my own personal form of therapy. Sometimes it will be rage work… venting about what has really gotten under my skin. Other times it will be funny or inspirational and uplifting. But I will be writing … a lot and often… because it is who I am and why should I deny the world a piece of my mind on a daily basis?

Piss, Moan and Complain

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Maybe that is why I am having difficulty writing lately. I have nothing nice to say… about anything. I feel guilty boring everyone with my rants and bitching about this and that. So I don’t write at all. Not a good plan.

It is very easy to sit here in front of my computer and just piss, moan, bitch and complain about anything and everything. It takes too much effort to write something upbeat, encouraging and optimistic. And I don’t have a whole lot of energy to spare anyway.

But here is the kicker… my marriage, home life, children, friends and work are all fine.  Suffice it to say I am a little cranky about things here and there but overall I have nothing to complain about. So why is the glass half empty?

Are my Chakras out of wack?

Do I need to do some kind of cleanse to rid myself of the obvious toxins I am holding inside? 

Do I have a vitamin deficiency?  Do I need medication ?

The media doesn’t help. I hate election time and now the crap slinging starts earlier and earlier… as far as I am concerned we just need to vote for the lesser of all evils and pray for the best. From what I see it is a no win situation and we are in the crapper no matter who gets elected. It would take more than 4 years to undo anything from a previous president… regardless of affiliation. SO what can be done??? The choices so far suck. All the reality show drama worshipers are on the Trump wagon for that very reason – drama. No thanks. Hilary? Hell no, trust issues. Still unsure about the others.

And then there is this stink about the Clerk of Court in Rowan County Kentucky. If she feels that strong then she should have asked to be transferred to another same level job. I don’t care what the law is… the law is the law and she is an elected official entrusted by the people of that county to follow the law. For example… if you go to CVS and buy a bottle of wine, and the girl checking you out has a head scarf on (she is probably muslim) she will get someone else to check you out because you are buying wine and it is against her religious beliefs. I have NO problem with that. Don’t deny me my right to purchase the wine just because it is against your religion. Someone else walks up and completes the transaction… everyone is happy. She didn’t compromise her beliefs (which I would not want her to do) and I got my wine (which is most important) . Same thing in Kentucky. Let someone else’s name be on the marriage licenses. Why does it have to be hers? What I am trying to say, without getting too cranky, is that there is always a compromise that can be made and everyone is happy. Besides… she looks like a nun I used to have as a 4th grade teacher and I bet close up she has a mustache… like Sister Daniel.  And she would just as soon beat the hell out of you with her giant bible, probably misquoting scripture the entire time, and then sit on her saintly throne and pass judgment on everyone. Aren't we supposed to love not judge??? I mean ... (if it is a sin)... in the grand scheme of sinning... where does it rank? Is being gay right up there with being Charles Manson or Ted Bundy? I wouldn't think so.

I am a libra… a peacemaker… why can’t everyone just get along? I promise to do what I can to start writing about unicorns, care bears, rainbows and sunshine. But apparently not today… maybe tomorrow…