Hurting People Hurt People

You know… I had a hard lesson this morning that just reaffirmed this to me – again.

But this time I was the hurt person that hurt someone else. Not intentionally but really just by accident.

I have a “go to” friend that will let me vent and bitch about things and people that she barely knows but she will let me bitch about stupid stuff and I do the same for her. It is kind of our way of dealing with the world around us without taking out on people that done deserve it. This morning I sent her an email about a coworker of mine… BUT… accidentally sent it to the coworker. I was in a bad mood… and had a terrible week last week, weekend was ok but not a lot better, didn’t sleep much, battling a major sinus infection and have a splitting headache to where my eyes hurt. Bless her heart she was chatty about her wonderful weekend and all the cute things her baby started doing, and I emailed my friend (who doesn’t work with me) that this person’s happy babbling was getting on my last nerve. Somehow my email went to her and not my friend.

Great.  I wasn’t being ugly about her happiness… she deserves to be happy and have the little joys of baby milestones. I just am not the happy sounding board today. I wish I had some little things like that to be happy about. In the last year not only have I buried my own mother but two weeks ago I buried my husband’s mother. I have used most of my vacation time and personal time this year – and last year- for sick kids or dying parents. I have a teenager starting high school and feel like I am physically falling apart.

So, here is my point… hurting people hurt people. I lashed out at the only person around me that was actually happy today. What does that make me? Mean… it makes me mean.

I don’t like to be mean. Mean people suck. 

Every day I am hit with a barrage of negativity. First thing in the morning…usually the last thing I hear before I go to bed is something negative. And it is turning me into a negative person from the inside. It takes its toll on me over time and I begin to thing negatively, talk negatively and act negatively. I physically hurt, I mentally hurt, and with everything that has happened in the last year I am struggling to breathe… But that doesn’t give me the right to say anything negative about anyone else. Even if I don’t intend to hurt someone else somehow it happens… and what do you do? Do what I did… Own it…apologize, tell them it wasn’t really about them, and hope they understand and move on. She may not talk to me any more this year but I guess I deserve that.