2014’s First Attempt at Being Healthy

Early January of this year everyone was rejuvenated to get healthy and facebook was filled with all my friends making healthy choices. The body by Vi people, the sweat till you pass out people, marathon runners, Zumbas, body jammers, weight watchers, nutria systemers, jenny craigers, and of course lets not forget most committed and serious people of them all - the gastric by-passers.

So I start surfing the internet and wondering what was going to be my deal this year - I was looking through the new releases on amazon.com and came across this great book telling me how to do a 3 day juice detox. Of course I feel toxic. Last I heard I had three pounds of undigested meat in my colon and my system is bogged down with sugar, gluten, aspartame and God only knows what else. The more I read about it the more I thought… well … 3 days… surely I can do that.  So while I am online I purchase the mac daddy of juicers. The Fusion Juicer. Even the name sounds fierce. But until that damn thing gets here all I have at my disposal is a small Cuisinart and a blender. OK – I don’t want to lose my motivation so I will make do with what I have.

I get everything organized as far as the lists of things I will need and was as motivated as I could be getting a jump start on my metabolism issue. $100+ later and back from the grocery store with all kinds of stuff I would NEVER buy I get in the kitchen with “day 1” list of juices to prepare. 2 hours later I have 5 bottles of different juices that in no way look or smell like anything I would find appealing. This was Sunday. I was planning to start this detox on Monday. According to the book I should start feeling the amazing effects of this program within the first half day. 

First thing in the morning – after my people left for school and work- I took a deep breath and sat down with my first bottle of juice. Thick, green and the consistency of a smoothie. It didn’t smell bad… the color was about the color of pea soup. First sip… and the first thing in my mind was “people actually like this???” it was like drinking cucumber/avocado flavored pond scum. People CHOOSE to drink this? Seriously? I manage to drink about 16 ounces of it. One down… 4 to go.

Mid morning I head back to the fridge. Next in line was a fruit like smoothie of raspberries, mango and apple. Now the directions didn’t say anything about peeling the apple so I didn’t. I think It would have been ok if there weren’t small pieces of apple peel that I would feel as I was eating it. I say eating because it was thicker than a smoothie… more like a smoothie  mud like pudding. I had to eat it with a spoon like apple sauce. Something about the apple peels that didn’t get broken down made the consistency gross. At this time I had about 1/3  of what I was supposed to consume and realized that I need that damn juicer. My  cuisinart and blender, no matter how you look at them… neither equal a juicer. Would any of it been better if I had the proper equipment? Im not sure but I didn’t make it to the lunch. I had a bowl of fruit loops. I was supposed to feel amazing and I was bloated and cranky as hell. I cant imagine what I would have felt like had I been at work all day. SO… A 72 hour detox lasted 6 hours. I blame it on faulty and improper equipment.

1 week later my juicer from hell arrives… I have juiced everything in the house on more than one occasion and I love this thing… still have some that are like pond scum but nothing some Splenda won’t fix. Just don’t look at it. This time I am DRINKING JUICE… not a pureed smoothie of grass and dirt. I have not attempted the detox yet… So I guess I am just at a healthier level of toxicity. I can live with that for now.

Healthier and happier J