First You Have to Fix Yourself

Quote for the day –

"Nothing has happened to you is a surprise to God. God will get you where you are supposed to be...Trust & Faith is the only thing you need"

So, what makes me any different than anyone else that walks this earth? Those that have been through the worst trials and survive yet walk around with a smile and still manage to see the good in others and the beauty that surrounds them. I want whatever medication they are taking – No honestly -they are grateful. Grateful to have survived and thankful for even the smallest of things. Of course I am speaking of those that have been through horrible ordeals like the holocaust, genocide, terrorism and the list could go on and on. I see in some of these people .. the light/ the glow. The light of hope and faith that the world is a better place. The glow and warmth of peace and love.

I envy that. and I know envy is one of the seven deadly sins but my envy is more of a curiosity… where and how did they find it? I know it involves forgiveness. I feel like they have to forgive themselves and those that have wronged them. That has to be the first step. Forgiving and letting go of the things of the past simply because they have become too heavy burden to carry. The older you get the heavier that emotional load gets. There has to be a breaking point. The epiphany… the realization that enough is enough for ones own well being and survival.

Can I have both? Can I have the experiences and the awareness but still be able to find the light and peace? I don’t really see why not only that even the thought of that part of my life makes me so incredibly angry. A simple “it is what it is” and “you can’t change the past” and “let it go” are not enough. I want a road map. I want a step by step guide. Enlightenment for dummies…  

I want someone to tell me what to do and how to do it. And at the end of the road I want to feel the cloud lifted and a permanent smile on my face and joy in my heart. I want to feel the warmth of the sunshine down to my bones, warming my soul and washing away anything negative.  

Still fixing myself… I am a lifelong work in progress.